Smash Brothers Tech
by Vaati's Apprentice
Summary: The Smashers talk about the latest and greatest gadgets on the market. Funnier than it sounds. Oneshot.


Hello Smash Brothers readers. Well, my first Smash Brothers fic didn't go too well. But, I did a Soul Calibur fic that was basically one big rant. And that got me more reviews than any one chapter of my other stories. So, I figured that I would try it againe. But with Smash Brothers this time. I got the inspiration from a bonus episode of Red vs. Blue. But I'm not copying the whole thing. Anyway, I do not own Super Smash Brothers or any mentioned technology.

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"Hello everyone, I'm Link from the popular video game series Super Smash Brothers." Link said to the audience.

"And I'm-a Mario." Mario said. "Now, Link and I both live-a in fantasy based worlds. So-a we don't have-a to worry about the latest technology." Mario said.

"But one of the modern world's greatest problems is technology. After people shell out a month's salary to purchase the latest and greatest gadget, it's only a matter of weeks before they realize that they are already horribly out of date." Link said.

"And-a then they must save up even more-a to purchase another upgraded item. And simply throw the old-a one away. And then the whole-a process starts againe. Case in point." Mario said, pointing to Captain Falcon who was sifting through a pile of "obsolete" gadgets.

"What happened to my nuclear powered blow dryer with built in internet access? I have alot of moist hair that must be de-moistened. And I need to do so while blogging about moistness." Falcon said.

"For those of you that want statistics, here is my girl-friend Zelda with the latest survey stats." Link said.

"Thanks sweety. Now, as you can see, technology is moving so fast that 90 of people can't keep up with the constant upgrades. And only 10 actually want to. Or as I call them, retards." Zelda said, pointing to a pie chart.

"Now-a with one of the latest gadgets is Samus Aran." Mario said.

"Thanks Mario." Samus said, coming into view. "I have here the latest tech craze item, the Apple iPhone. What they should've called it was the iDeathtrap. Seriously, this thing is a phone, a computer, a GPS and a DVD player. And you know that 90 of the world's population is going to use every feature while driving. Observe." Samus said, turning on a screen behind her.

And image of a sports car going down an extremely busy freeway came on. "Oh yeah, this phone kicks ass! I can even watch Napolean Dynamite on it." the driver of the car said.

"Tina, you fat lard, come get some ham." Napolean said.

"AHAHAHAHAHAHA, THAT GUY IS SO (BLEEP)ING FUNNY!!! He makes me want to switch lanes without looking!" the driver said. The car swerved into another lane and smashed into a car. Then that car hit a big-rig, and it's tail jack-knifed and blocked all oncoming traffic. Long story short, it ended with a fifty car pile up.

"Actually, that was just footage from Burnout 3. But a real accident would be alot like that." Samus said.

"Not only that, us Smashers are also affected by the spell that the iPhone has placed on the world. Here's what happened when Marth tried using an iPhone and fight at the same time." Link said.

Now the image of Marth talking on an iPhone in the Kongo Jungle came onto the screen. He seemed completely unaware of the fact that he was supposed to be fighting Donkey Kong. But, he was quikly reminded when Donkey Kong grabbed him by his ankles and slammed him repeatedly against the ground.

"Truly terrible, here's-a what he looks like-a now." Mario said. The camera turned to Marth who had a crutch under his right arm. His left arm was in a sling, his right leg was in a cast, his head was bandadged, and he was in a neck brace.

"How are you holding up, buddy?" Link asked.

"Doshin ka kumai tin, zaza ki." Marth said. Wich translated to "How do you think I'm doing, long ears?". (A/N: I do not know any Japanese. I'm just writing down what I hear the Japanese soldiers in Medal of Honor Rising Sun yell at me.)

"Why thank you Marth, I will gladly help myself to the contents of your fridge after this is done." Link said.

"Gashni kin mata kotai nee conoc, tomin taski!" Marth yelled. Wich translated to "I will (BLEEP)ing stab you, spawn of Legolas!".

At that moment, Bowser sped by on a cart and smashed into a wall. "Bowser, are you all right?" Link asked.

"Of course I am. I was just testing out the new gamma radiation powered Super Death Cart." Bowser said, crawling out of the rubble.

"That sounds a little dangerous." Zelda said.

"Oh, it is. This baby is illegal in twenty eight countries. Including this one. But it's all a part of the big plan. As you said, buying the latest cell phone or camera the minute it comes out is just one big pain in the ass. Our only hope to stay ahead of the curb is to invest in technology that doesn't exist yet. And hopefully never will. Like the internet enabled doughnut, or the Giga Ganondorf. And MP3s, everything in the future needs to play MP3s. Except MP3 players. They need to play MP4s." Bowser said.

At that moment, a vortex appeared and Fox McCloud stepped out. "Fox, did you just teleport here from Corneria?" Link asked.

"No, I came here from the future. Using my time traveling wrist watch. And it also plays MP3s. But in the future we call them MP48s." Fox said.

"I would just like everyone to know that I found my DVD playing bowling ball. And I am going to activate it now. So you mat want to close your eyes." Captain Falcon said, picking up a Bob-Omb. The Bob-Omb screeched in protest before exploding in Captain Falcon's hand.

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Well, I hope this one gave you a laugh or two. I think I'm better at doing one shots than series. Anyway, tell me what you thaught.


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